


And If I Fall Along the Way, Pick Me Up and Dust Me Off

by ellacj



Series: 52 Weeks of Swan Queen [9]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Pre-Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 11:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3486434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellacj/pseuds/ellacj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."</p><p>-Mother Teresa</p>
            </blockquote>





	And If I Fall Along the Way, Pick Me Up and Dust Me Off

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from "Bent" by Matchbox Twenty.

Emma’s entire frame quakes as she looks down over the edge of the ravine, her eyes dizzying at the sight of the drop. It’s scary, the thought that in a few minutes, she’ll be at the bottom, broken and bloodied, limbs bent at awkward angles with bones poking out of the skin. She takes a deep, shuddering breath. She’s terrified of the drop, but she’s even more terrified of what will happen if she doesn’t take it.

The few things she brought with her suddenly become a very heavy weight in her pocket. A copy of the handwritten letter she left on her bed (she wrote it out again as a way to stall), her phone, a pack of gum, and the change from the ice cream she bought Henry that morning. One last outing with her son before she has to say goodbye.

Henry didn’t understand why she was crying when she dropped him off at Regina’s house.

Slowly, Emma reaches into her pockets and empties them until everything is on the ground and she wakes her phone in her hand. _1:47am_. The wind picks up, causing her to teeter on the edge, and she instinctively takes a step back toward safety. Another deep breath. “Fine!” she shouts to the dark sky, as though anyone cares enough to hear. “I’ll call someone! Maybe they’ll save me,” she adds in a mutter, closing her eyes and selecting a random contact. _Don’t let it be Henry_ , she prays as it rings on the other end.

 _“Hello?”_ a groggy voice answers.

Emma’s breath catches in her throat. Of course it is. “Regina?” She sighs. “Did I wake you up?”

 _“I’m a mother. Something would have anyway.”_ There’s a rustling sound, and when Regina speaks again Emma can hear the frown in her voice. _“Are you all right?”_

“I don’t know,” Emma whispers before she can make up a lie. “I – I’m at the ravine where you brought me for magic lessons that one day.” _That day you taught me how to fly_ , she doesn’t say. What she wouldn’t give to once again experience that weightless, powerful feeling again. What she wouldn’t give to gaze into Regina’s eyes and hear the praise she heard that day.

_“What are you doing there?”_

“Thinking, mostly. I was gonna jump.” And there it is, out of her mouth as though it’s nothing. And maybe it isn’t; maybe Regina won’t even care. Maybe she’ll even encourage it, tell her exactly the right angle to fall before hanging up.

She doesn’t. _“Why?”_ she asks softly.

Emma sighs, brushing her wind-swept hair out of her face. “I don’t know. It just seemed like the easiest option. Life is just such bullshit, you know?”

 _“I do. And trust me on that, I do. But Emma…”_ Regina sighs. _“You can’t just throw it all away. You’re worth so much more than that.”_

Emma snorts and shakes her head. “Why? Because I’m some savior?”

_“Because you’re Henry’s mother. And you’re your parents’ daughter and your brother’s sister and… my friend.”_

“Yeah?”

 _“You know I don’t have friends. I have one, and it’s you. So, Emma, I just-”_ she breaks off. _“Why did you call me?”_

Emma chews on her lip and gazes out at the ravine. “I wanted to give myself one last chance,” she says finally. “So I called a random contact and you happened to pick up.”

 _“Stay there,”_ Regina says firmly. _“Don’t do anything.”_ The line goes dead, and Emma sighs. She saw it coming, really. Slowly, she puts her phone to sleep and sets it gently on the ground beside her.

It would be so easy; just one step forward and all her troubles would be over. It should be so easy… so why hasn’t she done it yet?

“Emma, wait,” a voice shouts behind her. It’s Regina, running forward with her gray coat wrapped around her and purple smoke dissipating in the air as she moves. “Don’t do it.”

“Why not?” Emma asks hollowly. Her fingers flex at her sides, curling into fists and back again. “Everything is just such fucking _bullshit_!” she screams, collapsing to the ground on her knees, back to the ravine. She buries her face in her hands as she crumples before the one person she never thought she’d understand. “I just want to be wanted.”

Regina sighs. The sound of her footsteps indicates that she’s walking closer until she too kneels in front of Emma, reaching forward to hook two fingers under her chin and lift her head up. “You are wanted,” she says softly. “Henry wants you, and so do your parents.”

“They think I’m the Savior. They could have chosen to not put me in that tree.”

“They did it to give you your best chance,” Regina tells her. “And Henry… he loves you so much it’s hard to fathom.”

Emma sighs heavily. “I can’t be a mother to him. I’m shit at it. I’m a glorified babysitter at best.”

Without hesitation, Regina reaches out and takes Emma’s hand with a gentle squeeze. “Most days I think you’re a better mother than I am.”

Emma’s breathing evens out slowly but steadily, and they sit there like that for a long time with Regina clutching Emma’s hand and Emma holding on for not-so-dear life. Finally, Regina stands up, taking Emma with her. “Are you all right?” Regina murmurs.

“I think so. I know what I have to do.”

Regina smiles and drops Emma’s hand, turning to go. And Emma, before she can change her mind, takes three quick steps forward and topples over the edge with a sharp scraping sound as her boot catches the rocky face.

“Emma!” Regina shouts. Her lips quiver and she shoots her hand out, watching with a spinning mind as a bright white bolt erupts from her fingertips and travels toward where Emma’s body is falling. One last desperate bolt of magic, carrying every last piece of her hope within it.

 _Please catch her_ , she prays silently as the light bursts from the bottom of the canyon. _Please._

**Author's Note:**

> So I left this open-ended on purpose - you decide your own version of the ending. :)


End file.
